Katie's funeral...

The following pictures were taken at Katie's funeral. It has taken me weeks to get the courage to open this file and look at it. We still have very vivid memories of that day in particular, but I know that there are many friends and family members who were not able to attend that would love to see these pictures. I did ask for no pictures to be taken at the viewing or in the viewing room. We did not want pictures of the sad memories, for we knew that those would be the ones we would have no problem remembering. What I did want were pictures of the "celebration" of Katie's life... Mostly the pictures taken at the cemetery when all of the little children were playing with the 3,000 ladybugs my sisters-in-law ordered to be released in Katiebug's honor.

The funeral services were so touching. Many people came to the viewing, mostly family and close friends... I was surprised by how many children came from her primary class. I remember seeing my neighbor Kristy take her 6 year old little boy, Dallin, up to see Katie. I watched her pick him up smile sweetly at him. He smiled back, gave his mother a hug and said "She's so pretty...". And then another little girl from her Primary class, Lilian, walked in with her family. First I noticed that she was wearing a red, black and white BEAUTIFUL dress. She had her sweet little hands behind her back and was holding something that I could not see. As I knelt down to give her a hug and to talk with her she said "I was wondering if I could give something to Katie..." I said "Of course!" And then, every so sweetly, she showed me. It was an exact replica of the dress she was wearing, only it was the size for a baby doll. I took her hand, walked her over to Katie, and she laid it right next to her. Those were some of the moments that I will cherish forever. Katie had such an impact on these little children. They will remember her always.

I wasn't sure how our own daughters would handle the viewing. We all knew that Katie's little body wouldn't last forever. In fact, it is something that Randy and I talked about and thought of often. We knew Katie would not live a "full" life, but we also didn't know when or how she would leave this world. We always said "Katie will be here for as long as she is supposed to be here. She is perfect and she has completed the task of receiving her body, but she is here to teach us and everyone who has the opportunity to meet her... and when her mission is complete, she will return to live with her Father in Heaven." Respiratory viruses were her biggest battle. We figured it would be a respiratory virus, even something as simple as the common cold, that would be her biggest threat. I know for me, when I thought about what it would be like when Katie died, I pictured her in the hospital... maybe on life support. I thought that we would have more time to say our "goodbyes" under calmer circumstances. I pictured the 5 of us surrounding her, able to hold her hands while they were still warm... And maybe us holding her as her sweet spirit left this world. The day Katie died was horrible for everyone there. Instead of us holding her while she left this world, her father was performing CPR while I stayed on the phone with 911 until the medics arrived. My friend Christina was helping Randy, trying to find a pulse on Katie while her husband had to flag down the paramedics and clear a path for when the got there. Jamee was trying to console a very sad and devastated little Madeline as she sobbed and cried. The lake was packed with people. Strangers were coming up to help with all of the children to "distract" them. Even as Katie was leaving this world, people were united to help our family. When Randy and Katie were finally loaded into the ambulance and I was following them, I knew that she was already gone. Originally, when I played out how Katie would leave this world, I never thought that I would want our girls to see her in the hospital. But then I realized that after what they witnessed at the lake, it couldn't get much worse. So, the morning of the funeral, Randy and I decided to go up to the church early with our 3 girls. We wanted some time with Katie before everyone else got there. We sat in the Relief Society room and waited for the hearse to pull around. A few minutes passed and I saw them. They parked around back and we all went to greet her. The first thing Ellie said was "Why is Katie laying down?" We had been telling her that whole week that Katie was in Heaven and could dance, run, sing and even see. I knew that when Ellie saw her she would be so confused. They wheeled Katie into the RS room and opened her casket. She was beautiful. Randy, Stacia, Jamee and I had gone to the funeral home to dress her the day before. She was wearing a sweet white dress that I ordered off of whiteelegance.com. The style name of it was called "The Ladybug" so we found it quite appropriate. Her hair had been curled in ringlets. Stacia put 3 little squares at the front of her hair and pulled them back into white rubber bands. Then we gathered the hair from the 3 little squares and clipped a red, black and white flower to hold it together. Her beautiful strawberry ringlets covered the satin pillow that her head was placed on. Randy and I painted her fingernails and toenails red with black dots... Her hands and feel looked the same as they always had... chubby and so cute! We had already decided not to put shoes on Katie... she HATED them anyways... but the parts of Katie that seemed to remain the most unchanged were her sweet little hands and feet! We found a sweet pair of ladybug socks in her drawer so we put those in her casket right next to her feet. We decided that, for the viewing, her socks would remain off so her sisters could see her cute chubby feet one last time. She had a sweet little bracelet on her right hand. Carly and her Mom, Melanie, made bracelets for Me, Emily, Maddie and Ellie. Then they took a bead from each of our bracelets and made a special one for Katiebug. Each one of our bracelets had a charm that said "family". Randy was not left out either... they made him a ladybug lapel pin! The girls cried when they opened the casket. Ellie said "Why didn't Jesus come get her yet?" Seriously, it isn't easy to answer questions like that! I was worried if the girl would want to touch her... We had explained to them that she was going to feel cold but that didn't seem to bother them. One of the first things Emily did was give Katie a kiss on her forehead. Another wonderful friend, Shanda, also made bracelets for Katie and the girl. She brought them over to us in the viewing area. The girls had spent the whole day before with Shanda and her daughter, Ashley. They helped make the bracelets and it was a surprise for me. Sweet Maddie knew EXACTLY which bracelet was Katie's. She found it... ran right over to Katie... picked her sweet little wrist up just like she normally would have... and clasped it on her all by herself. Then, ever so gently, she place Katie's hand right next to her other one. Before we closed the casket, Emily and Madeline each put one of the ladybug socks on Katie's feet. We were amazed by our girls. It was a very sweet experience. And then, as they closed her casket, Ellie and Madeline began crying. This crying did not stop. We followed Katie into the Chapel. The Chapel was filled with people. There were so many people there. We could just feel the love that everyone has for us as we walked into the room. I carried Ellie while she cried in a way we have never heard and Stacia tried to console Maddie. Ellie cried herself to sleep in the first 5 minutes. It was amazing to watch our girls take everything in. Maddie sobbed uncontrollably the whole time, but even more when our friend Christina spoke. She spoke about Katie and her effect she had, and still has, on the primary children. At the end of her talk she "spot-lighted" Katie. I think that really hit home for Maddie. After the closing hymn, we stood up to follow Randy, Katie and the other pallbearers outside. When Ellie woke up she started crying again... She didn't stop until we buckled her in the truck to follow Katie to the cemetery.

We were the first vehicle in line to follow Katiebug. We had 4 motorcycle escorts to help make the trip to the cemetery a little easier. We didn't have to stop at any red lights. I know that I have not been in many funeral persessions, but as I looked behind us in the rear view mirror, I lost count at 42 vehicles. It was a beautiful sight, in a weird sort of way. One of my favorite moments was when we pulled into the cemetery. The motorcycle escorts saluted us. It was a very tender moment for me and Randy. Another sweet thing was the rain. I love the rain... but when I found out that it was supposed to rain on the day of Katie's funeral, I was a little disappointed. Then a good friend of ours told me this neat fact... In the Navajo culture, if it rains on the day of your funeral, it means you were well love and respected... Once he told me that, I was secretly hoping for rain:)! And rain it did! Actually it only sprinkled most of the time... Until we had a prayer to dedicate Katie's grave. We were all sitting under the tin roof shelter. As we bowed our heads and listened to the words of the prayer, the rain came down heavily! The noise was so neat. I smiled to myself because I knew that if Katie would have been with us sitting on our laps, she would have been smiling SO BIG and laughing out loud! I knew that Katie's funeral services would be filled with lots of tender moments, but I really wanted the luncheon afterwards to be more of a party and celebration of Katiebug's life. I just wasn't sure quite how we were going to lighten the mood. As soon as we brought out the ladybugs everything changed. Randy talked about why we called Katie-"Katiebug" and we asked for all of the little children to come up front to let the ladybugs go free! It wasn't until then that I realized that some of the kids might freak out because of the bugs... but luckily... they all loved them! However, none of the ladybugs flew off. Apparently, the weather has to be a little warmer for them to feel up to flying so most of them plopped to the ground! It was great though! The children LOVED letting the ladybugs tickle their arms as they crawled around. As I stood and watched Katie's friends play with these little ladybugs and as I listened to their laughter I realized something... Every time these little children see a ladybug, they wont dwell on the sadness that they felt when Katie passed away, they will remember the feeling they had when Katie was alive! And that was when the celebration began...